Breaking the Woundology Habit
written by Rev. Dr. Scott Paczkowski
“O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.”
The minute some people hear that I am a minister, they come up and unload their life story on me. The more pain the person experienced, the longer the story. I used to think that just being a listening ear was helpful. Now, I am not so sure.
I am not alone in listening to people’s tragic stories. You, too, may be a person people go to because you are a good and caring listener. For you and me, it can be frustrating because, aside from listening, we can do very little to help. Plus, often, these individuals do not seem to get better.
Michelle Birge addresses my concerns in an article entitled, “Woundology: Stop Using Your Past to Define Your Life.”She said many of these people struggle with PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But rather than move forward with healing, they are stuck reliving their past, re-experiencing their trauma over and over again. It is truly a sad and painful cycle to watch. Birge states, “Woundology is like a seductive mistress. It uses the role of victim as a power play as a way to receive love and compassion from others. It creates a lot of emotion and drama. This kind of connection with another person can be a powerful feeling.” Allowing the person to press play on the painful moments of their life repeatedly is cruel and impedes the healing process.
Further, Birge continues, “People with Woundology won’t develop healthy relationships with mentally healthy or truly healed people. Instead, they’ll only attract those who also express their own wounds too and thus perpetuate an ongoing living hell long after their actual trauma has passed.” We must not just listen, but challenge them to stop wallowing in their pain and move forward in their healing. Birge affirms that, “we are not meant to stay wounded.” We should intervene in their habit of dwelling on their pain, and guide the friend or loved one to seek therapy so they can move forward. This guidance should also include a faith component so that they can feel the Spirit’s healing touch in their life as well.
Today, pray for those whom you know who cannot move beyond their pain. Then, pray for yourself that you will have the courage and determination to guide the person you care about to get help and get healthy. Listening isn’t enough for someone in the throes of woundology; it takes action. Be the action in their life, so they can break the habit and finally heal.
